How to Talk to Your Doctors – and Get Them to Listen
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Dear Savvy Senior,
How can I get my doctors to listen better? I just turned 78, and over the past few years I feel more and more dismissed by my doctors. I know I can’t be the only one who feels this way. Any suggestions?
—Dissatisfied Patient
Dear Dissatisfied,
Communication difficulties between patients and their doctors is nothing new. Many older patients feel like their doctors are dismissing their concerns, which can be frustrating and lead to missed diagnoses and delayed care. If you believe your doctor isn’t listening to you, here are some tips offered by the National Institute on Aging that may help.
Prepare for your appointment: Before your exam, make a written prioritized list of any questions and concerns you want to discuss with your doctor, or print any online health research you’ve gathered, and bring it to your appointment so you won’t forget anything. If you’re in for a diagnostic visit, you should prepare a detailed description of your symptoms, when they began and what makes them worse.
Be honest and upfront: Even if the topic seems sensitive or embarrassing, it’s important to be honest and upfront with your doctor. You may feel uncomfortable talking about memory loss or bowel issues, but these are all important to your health. It’s better to be thorough and share detailed information than to be quiet or shy about what you’re thinking or feeling. Remember, your doctor is used to talking about all kinds of personal matters.
Ask specific questions: If you and your doctor aren’t communicating well, ask specific questions that require a response. For example: What might have caused the problem I’m dealing with? What’s the specific name of my diagnosis? Is the problem serious? Will it heal completely or require ongoing management? What future symptoms might suggest you need emergency care or a follow-up visit? When and how will you receive your test results? If you don’t understand something, don’t hesitate to ask: Can you explain that in simpler terms? Or: Can you give me more details about that?
Take someone with you: Bring along a family member or friend to your appointment. Your companion can help you ask questions or raise concerns that you hadn’t considered and listen to what the doctor is telling you and give you support.
Be persistent: If your doctor isn’t addressing your questions, repeat them or rephrase them. If you still don’t get anywhere, follow up with one of these statements: “I’m worried that we aren’t communicating well. Here’s why I feel that way.” Or: “I need to talk with you about X. I feel like I can’t. Can we talk about this?”
After your appointment, if you’re uncertain about any instructions or have other questions, call or email your health care provider. Don’t wait until your next visit to make sure you understand your diagnosis, treatment plan, or anything else that might affect your health.
For more tips, the National Institute on Aging offers a free booklet called “Talking with Your Doctor: A Guide for Older Adults” that can help you prepare for an appointment and become a better and more informed patient. To order free copy or see it online, visit order.nia.nih.gov/publication/talking-with-your-doctor-a-guide-for-older-adults.
Consider moving on: If you’re not making any progress with your doctor and the problem persists, it’s probably time to start looking for a new provider. Depending how unsatisfied you are with your care, you could also notify your doctor’s medical group and your insurance company or leave feedback on their online profile. If you’re dealing with a serious issue – like a doctor who prescribes the wrong medication or fails to provide test results in a timely manner – it might be appropriate to file a complaint with the state medical board.